The one where I'm socially awkward.

I never know how to act around people I just met. Or barley met. Or hardley know.
Most of my close friends couldn't stand me the first time they met me.
Yes, this includes the love of my life, a Mr. Elias Hernandez.
But I guess it goes back to high school......
Insert flashback noise from Waynes World.....no? Moving on.
I was a terrible person back in high school. I mean wow. Just awful. My mouth is what got the best of me. Either horrible rumors and gossip behind people back, or snarky sarcastic remarks in front if people I was MEAN! Whenever I met someone, I could not look past their faults. Anyone. If I saw someone I would automatically think of something I don't like about them. It was bad.
Eventually I let God take care of me. By the end of senior year I had done some damage control and cut some fat from my friends. I ended up with only 3 friends at my high school. Yup 3. That's it.
Love those three girls. You know who you are.
So, in letting God get a hold of my heart I learned some hard truths. One, I really didn't like myself. Anything about myself. I guess I shouldn't used past tense.....well....okay I mean.....I'm better. Like I don't want you to think....I don't know how to explain this....
To be fair the title did warn you about the awkwardness.
I like the person God is making me into. But every now and then, old Elisa creeps back in. And there go those negative thoughts.

So why am I socailly awkward?
When I get around a new group of people heres what I think:
1. Who do I want to be around these people? (Funny, smart, artsy, girly, ditsy, witty, independant, or a mixture of Elisa's)
2. How can I make it so when people won't talk about me behind my back? (This comes from years of damage of talking mad you-know-what behind my new peoples backs.)
3. How can I do all of this without being too obvious and awkward?

Hmmm. Someone has taken their daily ounce of crazy today.

There it is.
I don't know why I wrote this. :)
But there I am in a nutshell. All exposed and raw out there for the world to see.
Enjoy my friends, enjoy.

The one with the middle.

You remember that Jimmy Eat World song: The Middle? It feels very applicable to me. And, have you heard the Paramore song: Caught in the Middle? Also applicable. It's been two months since this school year started. I wish I could say it's getting better. I wish I could say it's been a good year so far. But it's been a really tough year of teaching already. It's really no one's fault- students, admin, parents- it has nothing really to do with them. It's just been, tough. I feel like honestly, it's kind of a waste of energy trying to pinpoint one problem that I am having, when in reality- it's possible that I am not supposed to be doing this anymore. Okay. I feel like I should be a teacher. But I don't know if I should be doing this . Does that even make sense? Probably not. I just feel really stuck at this moment. Because I want to do a good job while I am here, but I also am waiting for what I am meaning to do next. I want to serve my curren

The one with hallway.

I don't have an idea for this blog. That is why it's been a month or so since my last blog. In all transparency, I was working on a longer blog that I was updating daily about my decision to sign my contract or not for next school year. But then I ended up signing it and it's truly not an interesting blog. It was just like: "Should I? Nah. Well? Okay. Nah. Okay I will. I signed it. The end." So, now we're here, just waiting until the end of the year to finish and I am on the hook for next year. I could still leave, but breaking a contract not only gives me hives because of the ethic implications, but also there is a $2,500 fee attached to that which is NOT in my summer budget currently. I am tired of teaching. But to be fair, it is April and I am ALWAYS tired of teaching in April. But I will say this April is different. Education is different. It's changed. A part of me knows that I will be called out of teaching soon. I don't see myself retiring as

The one where I join the blog world.

I figure it's about time I started a blog. It's a writing/photography/comediac/art/important issues/look-what-kind-of-crazy-stuff-is-happening-in-Elisa's-life blog. It's my everything blog. Awesome for blogging. So welcome! Enjoy! Comment! Feel the love. This is my absolute favorite picture. Elias Hernandez. My model/musician/rock. How beautiful life is..... Frreak. Frreak. More to come.

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