The one where I'm socially awkward.

I never know how to act around people I just met. Or barley met. Or hardley know.
Most of my close friends couldn't stand me the first time they met me.
Yes, this includes the love of my life, a Mr. Elias Hernandez.
But I guess it goes back to high school......
Insert flashback noise from Waynes World.....no? Moving on.
I was a terrible person back in high school. I mean wow. Just awful. My mouth is what got the best of me. Either horrible rumors and gossip behind people back, or snarky sarcastic remarks in front if people I was MEAN! Whenever I met someone, I could not look past their faults. Anyone. If I saw someone I would automatically think of something I don't like about them. It was bad.
Eventually I let God take care of me. By the end of senior year I had done some damage control and cut some fat from my friends. I ended up with only 3 friends at my high school. Yup 3. That's it.
Love those three girls. You know who you are.
So, in letting God get a hold of my heart I learned some hard truths. One, I really didn't like myself. Anything about myself. I guess I shouldn't used past tense.....well....okay I mean.....I'm better. Like I don't want you to think....I don't know how to explain this....
To be fair the title did warn you about the awkwardness.
I like the person God is making me into. But every now and then, old Elisa creeps back in. And there go those negative thoughts.

So why am I socailly awkward?
When I get around a new group of people heres what I think:
1. Who do I want to be around these people? (Funny, smart, artsy, girly, ditsy, witty, independant, or a mixture of Elisa's)
2. How can I make it so when people won't talk about me behind my back? (This comes from years of damage of talking mad you-know-what behind my new peoples backs.)
3. How can I do all of this without being too obvious and awkward?

Hmmm. Someone has taken their daily ounce of crazy today.

There it is.
I don't know why I wrote this. :)
But there I am in a nutshell. All exposed and raw out there for the world to see.
Enjoy my friends, enjoy.

The one with hallway.

I don't have an idea for this blog. That is why it's been a month or so since my last blog. In all transparency, I was working on a longer blog that I was updating daily about my decision to sign my contract or not for next school year. But then I ended up signing it and it's truly not an interesting blog. It was just like: "Should I? Nah. Well? Okay. Nah. Okay I will. I signed it. The end." So, now we're here, just waiting until the end of the year to finish and I am on the hook for next year. I could still leave, but breaking a contract not only gives me hives because of the ethic implications, but also there is a $2,500 fee attached to that which is NOT in my summer budget currently. I am tired of teaching. But to be fair, it is April and I am ALWAYS tired of teaching in April. But I will say this April is different. Education is different. It's changed. A part of me knows that I will be called out of teaching soon. I don't see myself retiring as...

The one with a novel I'm writing??? I guess????

I'm writing a novel. I have no idea where it is going and where it came from, but I am writing it nonetheless. I am still working out the main events and outline for this thing. Guys. I have no idea what I am doing. This is like an actual novel and I really don't think it's going to even be good. I don't think it's going to make me much of any money. But I'm writing it. It's loosely based on my life, very loosely. It's still fiction, but it has similar vibes. The idea randomly came to me one random night and then since that moment I've just been pouring out the ideas for this story. Writing is a wild thing. It's so personal and weird. I keep reading through what I have, thinking about how others might perceive this. But is that the way to do it? Or do you just put your story out there and see what happens? Do you just write it and simply not care how others see it and review it? I'm not even sure I am physically able to do that. Can I...

The one with pie.

This title is a little misleading. This blog will actually be about work. You know, that thing we all look forward to having a day off from. It’s still weird to think that I have an actual “career.” I mean, not as weird as being a parent, but still a strange concept for a person who still doesn’t feel like she’s made it into the adult world. This is my 5th year as a full time classroom teacher. It’s definitely not been easy. I’ve been through anxiety, depression, coming in early, staying super late, grading on any free time I have, crying on my lunch breaks, quitting mid year, parent complaints, thousands of hours of professional development, long term sub problems, breaking up fights, de-escalating situations, sassy teenagers, hormonal teenagers, emotional teenagers, hard situations, mandatory reporting, and of course getting BARELY above the minimum wage for all of this. I don’t go through that list to get pity or sympathy or encouragement. I go through this to let ...

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