The one where Elisa is a wack job.

I know full well that I JUST wrote a blog, not even 4 hours ago. I'm not one to blog about every little feeling that comes their way.
No no. That's why I have FaceBook.
But I can't sleep. I've been going through a writing stage again. Blessing and a curse.
I've been thinking about how some people my age, (20-somethings) they just can't seem to find their own person. So they keep finding themselves in others. And they are different around every single group of people. And they never have just....them.
Which obviously let me to think: what have I been doing? Do I have my own person? Or am I just little pieces of people from my life put together?
Do I have any definite things in my life that will NOT change no matter who I'm around?

Yes, a few:
1. I know that I know that I KNOW! that my God, is the One True God. He sent His son Jesus into this earth to save this mess of a person, and I CANNOT spend one day without His infinite love. Number one on list forever, no matter who is around.

2. I will never compromise my morals: Sex can wait for marriage, and stay in marriage. Drugs, will not be in my body. I will NEVER get drunk and I will save alcohol until I'm 21. My speech will be clean and set an example. I will work hard and never take the easy way out.

3. I love. Yup. People, my family, Elias, my friends, you who are reading this, teachers, future students, ect. I love.

That's the basics.
I change, no not just daily, hourly...by the minute.
I'm a walking contridiction.
Isn't that the starburst commercial?
I'm peaceful and I fight.
I'm forgiving and I hold grudges.
I'm humble and proud.
I'm self-concious and self-absorbed.
I'm outgoing and introverted.
I'm shy and bubbily.
I'm a hard-worker and lazy.
I'm deep and surface level.
I'm tolertant and judgemental.
I'm cute and awkward.
I'm weird and normal.
I'm republican and democrat.
I'm Casting Crowns and Maylene and the Sons of Disaster.
I'm night owl and early bird.
I'm "tell it like it is" and "keep my mouth shut."
I'm hot and I'm cold. I'm yes and I'm no. I'm in and I'm out I'm up and I'm down. I'm wrong when I'm right. I'm back and I'm white. I fight I break up I kiss I make up. I don't really wanna stay no. I don't really wanna go-o.........

I'm being selfish for thinking I'm the only 20-something to EVER feel this way. To feel like "who am I....?" Usually it's because they don't know what they wanna be. I know what I wanna do career-wise. And for that matter, who I want to be in the future.
Refer to a couple blogs down.
I just don't know what's going down at this second in my brain and life in general.

Welcome to the mess that is, Elisa Marie Gomez.

The one with hallway.

I don't have an idea for this blog. That is why it's been a month or so since my last blog. In all transparency, I was working on a longer blog that I was updating daily about my decision to sign my contract or not for next school year. But then I ended up signing it and it's truly not an interesting blog. It was just like: "Should I? Nah. Well? Okay. Nah. Okay I will. I signed it. The end." So, now we're here, just waiting until the end of the year to finish and I am on the hook for next year. I could still leave, but breaking a contract not only gives me hives because of the ethic implications, but also there is a $2,500 fee attached to that which is NOT in my summer budget currently. I am tired of teaching. But to be fair, it is April and I am ALWAYS tired of teaching in April. But I will say this April is different. Education is different. It's changed. A part of me knows that I will be called out of teaching soon. I don't see myself retiring as...

The one with a novel I'm writing??? I guess????

I'm writing a novel. I have no idea where it is going and where it came from, but I am writing it nonetheless. I am still working out the main events and outline for this thing. Guys. I have no idea what I am doing. This is like an actual novel and I really don't think it's going to even be good. I don't think it's going to make me much of any money. But I'm writing it. It's loosely based on my life, very loosely. It's still fiction, but it has similar vibes. The idea randomly came to me one random night and then since that moment I've just been pouring out the ideas for this story. Writing is a wild thing. It's so personal and weird. I keep reading through what I have, thinking about how others might perceive this. But is that the way to do it? Or do you just put your story out there and see what happens? Do you just write it and simply not care how others see it and review it? I'm not even sure I am physically able to do that. Can I...

The one with pie.

This title is a little misleading. This blog will actually be about work. You know, that thing we all look forward to having a day off from. It’s still weird to think that I have an actual “career.” I mean, not as weird as being a parent, but still a strange concept for a person who still doesn’t feel like she’s made it into the adult world. This is my 5th year as a full time classroom teacher. It’s definitely not been easy. I’ve been through anxiety, depression, coming in early, staying super late, grading on any free time I have, crying on my lunch breaks, quitting mid year, parent complaints, thousands of hours of professional development, long term sub problems, breaking up fights, de-escalating situations, sassy teenagers, hormonal teenagers, emotional teenagers, hard situations, mandatory reporting, and of course getting BARELY above the minimum wage for all of this. I don’t go through that list to get pity or sympathy or encouragement. I go through this to let ...

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