The one where Elisa is a wack job.

I know full well that I JUST wrote a blog, not even 4 hours ago. I'm not one to blog about every little feeling that comes their way.
No no. That's why I have FaceBook.
But I can't sleep. I've been going through a writing stage again. Blessing and a curse.
I've been thinking about how some people my age, (20-somethings) they just can't seem to find their own person. So they keep finding themselves in others. And they are different around every single group of people. And they never have just....them.
Which obviously let me to think: what have I been doing? Do I have my own person? Or am I just little pieces of people from my life put together?
Do I have any definite things in my life that will NOT change no matter who I'm around?

Yes, a few:
1. I know that I know that I KNOW! that my God, is the One True God. He sent His son Jesus into this earth to save this mess of a person, and I CANNOT spend one day without His infinite love. Number one on list forever, no matter who is around.

2. I will never compromise my morals: Sex can wait for marriage, and stay in marriage. Drugs, will not be in my body. I will NEVER get drunk and I will save alcohol until I'm 21. My speech will be clean and set an example. I will work hard and never take the easy way out.

3. I love. Yup. People, my family, Elias, my friends, you who are reading this, teachers, future students, ect. I love.

That's the basics.
I change, no not just daily, hourly...by the minute.
I'm a walking contridiction.
Isn't that the starburst commercial?
I'm peaceful and I fight.
I'm forgiving and I hold grudges.
I'm humble and proud.
I'm self-concious and self-absorbed.
I'm outgoing and introverted.
I'm shy and bubbily.
I'm a hard-worker and lazy.
I'm deep and surface level.
I'm tolertant and judgemental.
I'm cute and awkward.
I'm weird and normal.
I'm republican and democrat.
I'm Casting Crowns and Maylene and the Sons of Disaster.
I'm night owl and early bird.
I'm "tell it like it is" and "keep my mouth shut."
I'm hot and I'm cold. I'm yes and I'm no. I'm in and I'm out I'm up and I'm down. I'm wrong when I'm right. I'm back and I'm white. I fight I break up I kiss I make up. I don't really wanna stay no. I don't really wanna go-o.........

I'm being selfish for thinking I'm the only 20-something to EVER feel this way. To feel like "who am I....?" Usually it's because they don't know what they wanna be. I know what I wanna do career-wise. And for that matter, who I want to be in the future.
Refer to a couple blogs down.
I just don't know what's going down at this second in my brain and life in general.

Welcome to the mess that is, Elisa Marie Gomez.

The one with hallway.

I don't have an idea for this blog. That is why it's been a month or so since my last blog. In all transparency, I was working on a longer blog that I was updating daily about my decision to sign my contract or not for next school year. But then I ended up signing it and it's truly not an interesting blog. It was just like: "Should I? Nah. Well? Okay. Nah. Okay I will. I signed it. The end." So, now we're here, just waiting until the end of the year to finish and I am on the hook for next year. I could still leave, but breaking a contract not only gives me hives because of the ethic implications, but also there is a $2,500 fee attached to that which is NOT in my summer budget currently. I am tired of teaching. But to be fair, it is April and I am ALWAYS tired of teaching in April. But I will say this April is different. Education is different. It's changed. A part of me knows that I will be called out of teaching soon. I don't see myself retiring as...

The one post-pandemic.

It's been 84 years since my last blog post. Obviously not literally, but anything after March 2020 has its own timeline-- much like a kind of Marvelesque quantum universe. Yeah. I'm out of my league with this line of thought. I should probably just move on. I want to catch up you up on so many things! (I say to no one reading this). First of all, Elias and I had a second baby in November of 2020: Uriah Finn. He's awesome, but also crazy. Leo started Kinder in August of 2022. I am still working at the same school. And Elias is working in my district with the IT department. Yes. That's right. Elias is an IT nerd now. I love having him at our district and on our schedule. Feeling super thankful about all of that. Those are the highlights. Of course, there have been some low lights. Why did I start this re-reboot now? I've been feeling some feelings. Some sad feelings. I've been going through bouts of depression again. And it's weird to talk about. I don...

The one with the really fun English teacher.

I've discussed the mom thing enough. You're probably like "Okay. We get it. You're bad at this. Move on." Will do! Let's discuss something I am relatively okay at: teaching. This is currently year 5 in the classroom for me. I've been at my current high school for 3 of those years teaching mostly 11th grade English, (every once in a while they like to throw in a sophomore or a senior group). I love this class. The age, the content, the behavior, the literature- everything. This is my sweet spot. I honestly have been sitting on this blog post for over 4 weeks now, in this exact spot. I have NO idea how I want to shape this blog or even begin to talk about my love for education. Management? Content? Students? English? Parents? Environment? Professional Development? There are literally so many things to talk about with education, that I've had the worst time narrowing down what it is I want to discuss in my first education themed blog. I w...

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