The one where I say "passion" like 80 times.

I've been dealing a lot lately with the idea of passions. And my recent lack of passion.
It's not that I don't have any passion. On the contrary, I have tons of passions that include:

Teaching. Since I was little I knew that education is power and being that person who shapes and impacts other people for the better, has always been something I've passionate about. There's just something about a classroom that just gets to me. It's something special and exciting that I can't wait to have one day.

Photography. I freaking love pictures. I love capturing a single moment, candid or posed. I know full well the extent that the photography industry has gone to today has made me self consicous when it somes to my photography skills and ablities. But, I guess that makes me work harder. But it never has felt like work, even when I get paid, it still doesn't feel like work.

Acting. If I could get back to these roots, oh man. As I stated in an earlier blog, I love theater. I love the idea of being on stage. I love the concept of creating another person and being that person. I miss it. And let's be honest, theater kids are pretty stinkin awesome.

Writing. I'm not pro AT ALL. But I like literature. And, call me a nerd, I like to study all different types of literature. That's why I wanna be an English teacher.

Traveling. I LOVE road trips! I love different places. I love getting away. I mentioned before, in earlier blogs, that when most people want an escape they use drugs, alcohol and other things. I actually want to literally escape, and leave. I get stir crazy. I can't stay in the same place doing the same thing for too long or I go insane. So I just get urges to get up and leave.

Ministry. Specifically youth ministry. Gosh I love the crazies. Something about that age group. I feel like I have NO wisdom to share. But somehow God is like "You're doing good. Keep going!" If you have never worked with youth, you are missing out! I mean, you get to be goofy and talk about Justin Bieber and play dodgeball! What could be better than that?!

God. I kept God and ministry seperate purposely. My relationship with God and my ministry absolutely go hand in hand. However, God is the ultimate foundation for my passions. All my other passions mean NOTHING if this isn't first. God comes first. Period.

This barely scratches the surfaces.

So I guess what it is, is that I'm not making time for my passions. As much as I like school and my classes, their not my passion. As much as I like making money, my job is not my passion. And all the other junk that fills up my day, not my passion.
So that's why I've been feeling passion-less lately.

All I wanna do is take pictures, teach, write, act, travel, love God and love people.
Is that too much to ask?

Debbie Downer strikes again.

The one with hallway.

I don't have an idea for this blog. That is why it's been a month or so since my last blog. In all transparency, I was working on a longer blog that I was updating daily about my decision to sign my contract or not for next school year. But then I ended up signing it and it's truly not an interesting blog. It was just like: "Should I? Nah. Well? Okay. Nah. Okay I will. I signed it. The end." So, now we're here, just waiting until the end of the year to finish and I am on the hook for next year. I could still leave, but breaking a contract not only gives me hives because of the ethic implications, but also there is a $2,500 fee attached to that which is NOT in my summer budget currently. I am tired of teaching. But to be fair, it is April and I am ALWAYS tired of teaching in April. But I will say this April is different. Education is different. It's changed. A part of me knows that I will be called out of teaching soon. I don't see myself retiring as...

The one with a novel I'm writing??? I guess????

I'm writing a novel. I have no idea where it is going and where it came from, but I am writing it nonetheless. I am still working out the main events and outline for this thing. Guys. I have no idea what I am doing. This is like an actual novel and I really don't think it's going to even be good. I don't think it's going to make me much of any money. But I'm writing it. It's loosely based on my life, very loosely. It's still fiction, but it has similar vibes. The idea randomly came to me one random night and then since that moment I've just been pouring out the ideas for this story. Writing is a wild thing. It's so personal and weird. I keep reading through what I have, thinking about how others might perceive this. But is that the way to do it? Or do you just put your story out there and see what happens? Do you just write it and simply not care how others see it and review it? I'm not even sure I am physically able to do that. Can I...

The one with pie.

This title is a little misleading. This blog will actually be about work. You know, that thing we all look forward to having a day off from. It’s still weird to think that I have an actual “career.” I mean, not as weird as being a parent, but still a strange concept for a person who still doesn’t feel like she’s made it into the adult world. This is my 5th year as a full time classroom teacher. It’s definitely not been easy. I’ve been through anxiety, depression, coming in early, staying super late, grading on any free time I have, crying on my lunch breaks, quitting mid year, parent complaints, thousands of hours of professional development, long term sub problems, breaking up fights, de-escalating situations, sassy teenagers, hormonal teenagers, emotional teenagers, hard situations, mandatory reporting, and of course getting BARELY above the minimum wage for all of this. I don’t go through that list to get pity or sympathy or encouragement. I go through this to let ...

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