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The one with my postitrons becoming negatized.

I'm always trying to stay positive. As I'm sure you all are too. Because the easy thing for everyone to do is complain, because there is ALWAYS something to complain about. In everything you do, it's easy to pick out the flaws. Even if you absolutely love your job, or your school, or whatever it is you do on a daily basis there is STILL going to be something to dwell on and complain about.
Where is this going Elisa? 
Well, I will tell you where this is going, inner thoughts.
I've been trying to figure out a way to combat that negativity. But in doing so, I end up finding that fighting negativity ends with more negativity. And therefore, I become a super annoying neagtive person, leading me to be the complete opposite of what I wanted to be.
Try to keep up please.
So instead of fighting against the negativity I try to just replace being negative with being positive. Every time I think of something negative, I replace that thought with a Bible verse, or a quote from an awesome motivational pastor or author, or listen to some worship songs. Now, let me be clear, this DOES work. I found my attitude turning around almost instantly about 99% of the time.
But here was my dilema: I find myself being....fake? I'm not sure if that's the right word, but I felt that I was "lying" to myself?
I'm putting question marks there on purpose.
I shouldn't have to lie to myself. Right? If I'm in a bad mood, maybe I need to just admit it and be in a bad mood.
If I wanna complain about something, should I just do it?
How do I stay postitve and keep it real at the same time?
How can I "keep it real" and not become jaded?
Is there a happy medium between the heartless cynic and the deliriously optimistic?

I guess the main thing I'm scared of is not being what I was made to be. Who God intended me to be.  Just when I had the "who I am" thing down, I go and think about stuff and screw it all up.....again.

Didn't I ever tell you? I suck at growing up.

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