The one that no one will read.

Well I did forget I had a blog. So much has happened

Mom is gone.
Woah. That was tough to write. It was about a month ago.

Student teaching.
Graduation.
Engagement.
First year teaching. (9th grade English).
Marriage.
Second year teaching. (4th grade).
Hating my job.
Mom's failing health.
Depression.
Quitting mid year.
Mom's passing.
Part time jobs at school.
Sitting here writing.

How am I? Currently? Right now?
Fine.

But there will come a time where I won't be fine. It comes out of no where. Sometimes in front of people. Sometimes in the middle of the night. Sometimes when I'm trying to occupy my time with something else. It just happens, this punch in gut overwhelming feeling that I will never see my mom on this earth again.

People are awesome though. They really are. I feel bad, because they want to help but they can't do anything. What are they going to do? Say some dumb clichés that are probably not even true?
My current fave: "She's probably up there greeting people as they come into the pearly gate." What in the actual fuck do you think heaven is like?! People.
It all comes from a good place. So I can't be too upset.

I just miss her. I'm trying to focus on getting back into teaching again for next year. Right now I'm a para and working at an after school program, so it's keeping me occupied. However, the first thing I'm occupied with is special education, other wise known as my mom's full time career, and the second job is at a school in her former school district.....so.....

Funny how shit turns out.

The one with eternity.

I’ve been shook recently on this idea of eternity. I’ve been a follower of Christ for probably around 20 years. I’m familiar with the biblical ideas and principals of eternity, but have I honestly lived like this here is my temporary home? I haven’t. How much energy, stress, and time do I spend on things that have no impact on eternity? Oh you want examples? How about all that stress about baby sleep? Where he’s gonna sleep? How long should he be sleeping? Should he fall asleep while nursing? How about my house? We need a nicer kitchen. We need new and nicer barstools. Make sure the baby doesn’t mess with this thing or that thing because it can’t get ruined! How about my wardrobe? My last spending spree was long before I had my baby- so I need an update. Y’all. God never promised us nice things. He promised to provide for us. What if, every time we start to worry about something we ask: what’s the impact this has on eternity? If the answer is a big fat “none,” then maybe sto...

The one with stuff I wanna do.

Basic list of stuff I wanna do. No I'm not trying to be like Buried Life. Except that I am. 1. Finish school. Yes it might seem like something that's "Eh," I have now concluded to the fact that school is not working for me. I am not a good student. At all. So there ya go. 2. Put a ring on it. Or have him put a ring on it. I could go on for days about my wedding, and more impotantly being married. But, everytime I talk about it go wayyyyy overboard. So movin on. 3. Learn to be good with babies. Yes I can work with kids. Pretty much any age after 2, I got this. Babies....ahhhhhh. 4. Learn to be Susie Homemaker. I wanna knit, sew, cook, and what have you. I was going to say have a clean house... But who are we kidding. I just know be a super creative and awesome wife and mom. 5. Be a teacher. I've been super discouarged lately about my teaching and educating abilities based on the mere fact that I am such a horrible student. My logic is, how on earth can...

The one with the storm.

I'm a desert rat. Raised in Arizona, when it rains, it's a good day. Here at Lope town, we've been having good weather. Rain. Thunder. Lightining. Wind. Cool weather. Totally the soup eating, latte sipping, slipper wearing, curl up with a good book type of weather. So my obvious reaction is to take pictures. Duh: And then the nice rain, turned to hail. And then the hail turned to bigger hail. And the bigger hail + the strong winds = broken window for our apt and all over chaos here at GCU. Thankfully no one was hurt, or injured. It really made me think about storms and life. Uh-oh, Elisa has a moral to the story.... Things might seem okay. Seem managable. Maybe even see beautiful. But can you still see beauty in things when you have broken window? Can you still see the beauty when your car looks like a golf ball with all the dents? There's a reason why the Bible has so many analogies between storms and hard times in life. Storms cause physical d...

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