The one that no one will read.

Well I did forget I had a blog. So much has happened

Mom is gone.
Woah. That was tough to write. It was about a month ago.

Student teaching.
Graduation.
Engagement.
First year teaching. (9th grade English).
Marriage.
Second year teaching. (4th grade).
Hating my job.
Mom's failing health.
Depression.
Quitting mid year.
Mom's passing.
Part time jobs at school.
Sitting here writing.

How am I? Currently? Right now?
Fine.

But there will come a time where I won't be fine. It comes out of no where. Sometimes in front of people. Sometimes in the middle of the night. Sometimes when I'm trying to occupy my time with something else. It just happens, this punch in gut overwhelming feeling that I will never see my mom on this earth again.

People are awesome though. They really are. I feel bad, because they want to help but they can't do anything. What are they going to do? Say some dumb clichés that are probably not even true?
My current fave: "She's probably up there greeting people as they come into the pearly gate." What in the actual fuck do you think heaven is like?! People.
It all comes from a good place. So I can't be too upset.

I just miss her. I'm trying to focus on getting back into teaching again for next year. Right now I'm a para and working at an after school program, so it's keeping me occupied. However, the first thing I'm occupied with is special education, other wise known as my mom's full time career, and the second job is at a school in her former school district.....so.....

Funny how shit turns out.

No way she still is out here blogging like it's 2012.

Actually, yes she is. And she is NOT sorry. Slight update: I’ve been homeschooling and microschooling for the past couple years. I started my middle and high school microschool in my home in August 2024 and began homeschooling my boys simultaneously in August 2025. Now sitting here in January 2026, having done both for a full semester, and that feels great! This has been really great for myself and my husband, and my kids! So by all metrics, when people ask me how I am, the answer should be “ GREAT!” And normally it is. But the current world events feel really heavy. The tumultuous circumstances that continue, are hard to ignore and especially hard to not let it get you down. So that dichotomy between personally doing well and globally feeling like we are all falling apart has got me feeling really ✨reflective. ✨ Also, I learned recently that those sparkle emojis are a sign that AI is being used. Y’all. If you think any part of this is AI, you really don’t know me at all. An...

Mom, Musicals, and Mary Poppins

I’ve been thinking a lot about my mom lately. Probably because the anniversary of her death is coming up this month. March is always a lot: Leo's birthday, our wedding anniversary, her death anniversary. Wait. I also just realized November is similarly a lot: Uriah's birthday, my birthday, and my mom's birthday. Why can't huge life events we have no control over be more spread out throughout the year? Anyway. My mom loved musicals. LOVED musicals. Most people knew her as an amazing educator for children with special needs, as that was her career about which she was so passionate. But prior to that, she did a lot of local theater-- even making her way into Knott's Berry Farm's Birdcage Theater as a performer. Not sure what her role was, but I once saw a picture of her some red, saloon girl getup and didn't want anymore information, for the sake of my innocence. But yes, musicals and theater in general were something she enjoyed watching as well as being in!...

The one with pie.

This title is a little misleading. This blog will actually be about work. You know, that thing we all look forward to having a day off from. It’s still weird to think that I have an actual “career.” I mean, not as weird as being a parent, but still a strange concept for a person who still doesn’t feel like she’s made it into the adult world. This is my 5th year as a full time classroom teacher. It’s definitely not been easy. I’ve been through anxiety, depression, coming in early, staying super late, grading on any free time I have, crying on my lunch breaks, quitting mid year, parent complaints, thousands of hours of professional development, long term sub problems, breaking up fights, de-escalating situations, sassy teenagers, hormonal teenagers, emotional teenagers, hard situations, mandatory reporting, and of course getting BARELY above the minimum wage for all of this. I don’t go through that list to get pity or sympathy or encouragement. I go through this to let ...

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