The one that no one will read.

Well I did forget I had a blog. So much has happened

Mom is gone.
Woah. That was tough to write. It was about a month ago.

Student teaching.
Graduation.
Engagement.
First year teaching. (9th grade English).
Marriage.
Second year teaching. (4th grade).
Hating my job.
Mom's failing health.
Depression.
Quitting mid year.
Mom's passing.
Part time jobs at school.
Sitting here writing.

How am I? Currently? Right now?
Fine.

But there will come a time where I won't be fine. It comes out of no where. Sometimes in front of people. Sometimes in the middle of the night. Sometimes when I'm trying to occupy my time with something else. It just happens, this punch in gut overwhelming feeling that I will never see my mom on this earth again.

People are awesome though. They really are. I feel bad, because they want to help but they can't do anything. What are they going to do? Say some dumb clichés that are probably not even true?
My current fave: "She's probably up there greeting people as they come into the pearly gate." What in the actual fuck do you think heaven is like?! People.
It all comes from a good place. So I can't be too upset.

I just miss her. I'm trying to focus on getting back into teaching again for next year. Right now I'm a para and working at an after school program, so it's keeping me occupied. However, the first thing I'm occupied with is special education, other wise known as my mom's full time career, and the second job is at a school in her former school district.....so.....

Funny how shit turns out.

The one with hallway.

I don't have an idea for this blog. That is why it's been a month or so since my last blog. In all transparency, I was working on a longer blog that I was updating daily about my decision to sign my contract or not for next school year. But then I ended up signing it and it's truly not an interesting blog. It was just like: "Should I? Nah. Well? Okay. Nah. Okay I will. I signed it. The end." So, now we're here, just waiting until the end of the year to finish and I am on the hook for next year. I could still leave, but breaking a contract not only gives me hives because of the ethic implications, but also there is a $2,500 fee attached to that which is NOT in my summer budget currently. I am tired of teaching. But to be fair, it is April and I am ALWAYS tired of teaching in April. But I will say this April is different. Education is different. It's changed. A part of me knows that I will be called out of teaching soon. I don't see myself retiring as...

The one post-pandemic.

It's been 84 years since my last blog post. Obviously not literally, but anything after March 2020 has its own timeline-- much like a kind of Marvelesque quantum universe. Yeah. I'm out of my league with this line of thought. I should probably just move on. I want to catch up you up on so many things! (I say to no one reading this). First of all, Elias and I had a second baby in November of 2020: Uriah Finn. He's awesome, but also crazy. Leo started Kinder in August of 2022. I am still working at the same school. And Elias is working in my district with the IT department. Yes. That's right. Elias is an IT nerd now. I love having him at our district and on our schedule. Feeling super thankful about all of that. Those are the highlights. Of course, there have been some low lights. Why did I start this re-reboot now? I've been feeling some feelings. Some sad feelings. I've been going through bouts of depression again. And it's weird to talk about. I don...

The one with the really fun English teacher.

I've discussed the mom thing enough. You're probably like "Okay. We get it. You're bad at this. Move on." Will do! Let's discuss something I am relatively okay at: teaching. This is currently year 5 in the classroom for me. I've been at my current high school for 3 of those years teaching mostly 11th grade English, (every once in a while they like to throw in a sophomore or a senior group). I love this class. The age, the content, the behavior, the literature- everything. This is my sweet spot. I honestly have been sitting on this blog post for over 4 weeks now, in this exact spot. I have NO idea how I want to shape this blog or even begin to talk about my love for education. Management? Content? Students? English? Parents? Environment? Professional Development? There are literally so many things to talk about with education, that I've had the worst time narrowing down what it is I want to discuss in my first education themed blog. I w...

Silly Conversations

Search This Blog