The one that no one will read.

Well I did forget I had a blog. So much has happened

Mom is gone.
Woah. That was tough to write. It was about a month ago.

Student teaching.
Graduation.
Engagement.
First year teaching. (9th grade English).
Marriage.
Second year teaching. (4th grade).
Hating my job.
Mom's failing health.
Depression.
Quitting mid year.
Mom's passing.
Part time jobs at school.
Sitting here writing.

How am I? Currently? Right now?
Fine.

But there will come a time where I won't be fine. It comes out of no where. Sometimes in front of people. Sometimes in the middle of the night. Sometimes when I'm trying to occupy my time with something else. It just happens, this punch in gut overwhelming feeling that I will never see my mom on this earth again.

People are awesome though. They really are. I feel bad, because they want to help but they can't do anything. What are they going to do? Say some dumb clichés that are probably not even true?
My current fave: "She's probably up there greeting people as they come into the pearly gate." What in the actual fuck do you think heaven is like?! People.
It all comes from a good place. So I can't be too upset.

I just miss her. I'm trying to focus on getting back into teaching again for next year. Right now I'm a para and working at an after school program, so it's keeping me occupied. However, the first thing I'm occupied with is special education, other wise known as my mom's full time career, and the second job is at a school in her former school district.....so.....

Funny how shit turns out.

The one where I'm socially awkward.

I never know how to act around people I just met. Or barley met. Or hardley know. Most of my close friends couldn't stand me the first time they met me. Yes, this includes the love of my life, a Mr. Elias Hernandez. But I guess it goes back to high school...... Insert flashback noise from Waynes World.....no? Moving on. I was a terrible person back in high school. I mean wow. Just awful. My mouth is what got the best of me. Either horrible rumors and gossip behind people back, or snarky sarcastic remarks in front if people I was MEAN! Whenever I met someone, I could not look past their faults. Anyone. If I saw someone I would automatically think of something I don't like about them. It was bad. Eventually I let God take care of me. By the end of senior year I had done some damage control and cut some fat from my friends. I ended up with only 3 friends at my high school. Yup 3. That's it. Love those three girls. You know who you are. So, in letting God get a hold of ...

The one with the really fun English teacher.

I've discussed the mom thing enough. You're probably like "Okay. We get it. You're bad at this. Move on." Will do! Let's discuss something I am relatively okay at: teaching. This is currently year 5 in the classroom for me. I've been at my current high school for 3 of those years teaching mostly 11th grade English, (every once in a while they like to throw in a sophomore or a senior group). I love this class. The age, the content, the behavior, the literature- everything. This is my sweet spot. I honestly have been sitting on this blog post for over 4 weeks now, in this exact spot. I have NO idea how I want to shape this blog or even begin to talk about my love for education. Management? Content? Students? English? Parents? Environment? Professional Development? There are literally so many things to talk about with education, that I've had the worst time narrowing down what it is I want to discuss in my first education themed blog. I w...

The one I'm pushing through.

Remember when I kept up with my blog? More importantly: remember when I thought I was going to simplify this year? I told you all I was going to keep things focused on 1 word: simple. My life, my goals, my home, my job, my thoughts- KEEP IT SIMPLE. Have I done that at all? If you think that I have, you must be new here. It's literally one month away from being 2019, and I have been anything but simple this year. I changed schools. We continued to gather clutter. We have yet to get a grip on our finances. I still overthink every little thing I do. My house is a constant disaster area. My new school has been a challenge at every step. Personal challenges and relationships have been a struggle. I have done everything except keep it "simple" this year. In every sense of my "simple" goal, I failed. Sure, I have a month left. So I could get back on track. I could try my best to simplify what I can. But sometimes, I feel like I try so hard to NOT try so...

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