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The one without a Christmas tree.

You would think that our first Christmas with a baby would be the most exciting, over the top, Christmas ever.

 And yet, our tree is not up yet.

 Chock it up to 2 working parents if you must, but I have a strong feeling that it's a little more than that. 

 The holidays have been a strange mix for me, the last couple of years. I've been equal parts "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" and "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch." It could have been just a getting older thing, it could be because my mom passed away a couple years ago, or it could be that seasonal effective disorder thing people often ignore during this time. It's probably a mix of all 3.

 No matter what it is, I usually just ignore it and try to focus on the Holly Jolly Christmas stuff. It's hard though, right? There's a lot of stuff going on. I'm not going to bore you with a list, because you all have a list too. We all have a lot of stuff going on. I'm not going to fool myself in thinking that I'm the only one with stuff going on. 

 Christmas is not the same as an adult. 

 I just thought, as a parent, the whole "Christmas spirit" or whatever, would be able to overcome the "yuckiness."
I really had no other word to describe it.

 Don't misread. I am still excited to see my baby enjoy his first Christmas! I am so glad he's here, and we can see his little face get excited for presents, and the food, and overall merriment. Even though he's probably just getting clothes for Christmas, because the kid doesn't even care or need any more toys. We're going to take so many pictures, and have such a great time with family. 

 I love Christmas. Why do I get this sadness?

 As the theme of these blogs always continues: I have NO answers. I don't know why I get like this as I've gotten older, but I'll take a stab at it. 

 Throughout the whole year I give all that I can. I give, I fight, I work, I love, I run (not literally of course), I laugh, I cry- and by this time of year I'm spent. I have nothing left inside for merriment, for cheer, for "Holiday Spirit." I'm weak. I'm tired. I'm. Done. 

 Here's the thing that's wonderful about that: Christmas celebrates a time in history where the world was tired, exhausted, spent, and just about to done. But God, sent a miracle. He sent a Savior. 

 We can rest in His promise that He gives to all: peace on earth, goodwill to men.

 I know this may not have been the "merry and bright" holiday post you expect from me. This is not "9 ways to get the most out of Christmas with a baby." You should know by now, this is not your typical "mom blog." More than ever, we need to believe in peace on earth. I need peace on earth.

 A Christmas carol that continues to be more and more relevant with every year I'm on this earth is "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day." I'll end with a quote from the beautiful song. 
And in despair I bowed my head 
"There is no peace on earth" I said 
For hate is strong and mocks the song 
Of peace on earth, good will to men 
Then rang the bells more loud and deep 
God is not dead, nor does he sleep 
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail 
With peace on earth, good will to men

 

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