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The one post-pandemic.

It's been 84 years since my last blog post. Obviously not literally, but anything after March 2020 has its own timeline-- much like a kind of Marvelesque quantum universe. Yeah. I'm out of my league with this line of thought. I should probably just move on. 

I want to catch up you up on so many things! (I say to no one reading this). 

First of all, Elias and I had a second baby in November of 2020: Uriah Finn. He's awesome, but also crazy. Leo started Kinder in August of 2022. I am still working at the same school. And Elias is working in my district with the IT department. Yes. That's right. Elias is an IT nerd now.  I love having him at our district and on our schedule. Feeling super thankful about all of that.

Those are the highlights. Of course, there have been some low lights. 

Why did I start this re-reboot now?

I've been feeling some feelings. Some sad feelings. 

I've been going through bouts of depression again. And it's weird to talk about. I don't know why it's weird. I just don't like to admit that I have been randomly feeling depressed and not really sure how to deal with it. 

I think it's mostly hard because I truly do love my life. I'm SO grateful for all the blessings God has given me. But every once in a while I just can't seem to get my brain and body to do what it needs to do. I just feel at a loss. Like everything is a chore and nothing is worth it. Now that I'm out of this last episode, I am planning to take steps to talk with someone about it. 

So that's been happening.

Also, major shifts in friendships. Y'all. Adult friendships are hard. Now I know why my parents didn't really have a large group of friends growing up. I still have the real ones that I am meant to have, which I guess is a good lesson. A hard, inconvenient lesson, but a good one nonetheless. I do really appreciate the friends I currently have that have turned into family. Although, we don't see each other on the regular like we could in our 20's, it makes the time we have together so much deeper and grander. 

I've also been so back and forth about continuing teaching recently. I have been so back and forth I might as well be that big boat ride at Castle 'n Coasters. Ya know, the big boat that goes sideways but like super high up so it feels like you are going to fall forward? Wow, okay. This is not a great metaphor. What else goes back and forth? A seesaw? I mean, sure, but that's like, for children. I don't know. My point is I am so back and forth on this whole teaching thing. 

It is currently January and I have not made a decision about what I want to do. Here's the honest issue: the parts of teaching that I love- I REALLY love, and the parts of teaching that I hate- I REALLY hate. When I am teaching, I am just so in my element. When I see those students analyze those complex pieces of literature, gosh, I could retire on just that feeling alone. But all the other absolute GARBAGE that comes with being a teacher is something that would make me walk out and get a job at In-n-Out Burger. 

The other thing is, I am not sure what else I would even want to do. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of passions, but practically, none of those things can pay the bills. Not that teaching is exactly raking in the money, but quitting to become a writer, just isn't in the plan as of right now. 

So I've been trying to reestablish my prayer life by way of a prayer journal. Maybe one day I'll write a blog about how I set that up, but I wanna get a little further with that journey first. But I am hoping this new prayer life established with give me some clarity about next steps. 

How to end this?

I love my life right now. It's weird and awkward at times, as per usual. It's really tough a lot of the time. But more often than not, it's been a great couple years! Except. The obvious pandemic horror. But overall, it's been a great couple years. I'll keep updating this as regularly as I want to-- because I still have a life. But I really am just blogging for me, if you wanna read, cool. If not, also cool. I probably wouldn't read my thoughts if I were you, but cool either way. 

Welcome back to the blog, No One! 


Disneyland September 2022





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