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The one with a novel I'm writing??? I guess????

 I'm writing a novel. 

I have no idea where it is going and where it came from, but I am writing it nonetheless. I am still working out the main events and outline for this thing. 

Guys. 

I have no idea what I am doing. 

This is like an actual novel and I really don't think it's going to even be good. I don't think it's going to make me much of any money. But I'm writing it. 

It's loosely based on my life, very loosely. It's still fiction, but it has similar vibes. 

The idea randomly came to me one random night and then since that moment I've just been pouring out the ideas for this story. 

Writing is a wild thing. It's so personal and weird. I keep reading through what I have, thinking about how others might perceive this. But is that the way to do it? Or do you just put your story out there and see what happens? Do you just write it and simply not care how others see it and review it?

I'm not even sure I am physically able to do that. Can I just put work out there and just NOT care how the public receives it? I don't think I can do that. I hate thinking there are people out there that don't like my work. Especially something loosely based on my actual life, that seems so personal. 

Anyway, this blog isn't a preview, or like an ad. I don't even know if it's going to be good. Heck, I don't even know if it's going to be finished. But it has been great being creative again. It has been nice to just pour creative power into something I really enjoy doing and then not having to "monetize" it, or trying to get it to sell or whatever. 

Wait. Am I just describing a hobby? I think I might be. Just like a creative thing I like doing and not using it to pay my bills-- that's literally just a hobby. 

Nothing wrong with hobbies, I guess I just didn't see writing as a hobby for me. It might be. It would be nice if it became more, but I am keeping my expectations low. Not "low," but realistic. 

I'm 33. Sometimes we see people being more "successful" than us at a much younger age and feel very unaccomplished. But there is no timeline for anything. So if writing becomes a bigger thing later in my life- cool. If I just stay a normal human for the rest of my life- still cool! I got a lot of other things in my life that gives me joy, and I'm learning to be grateful for all of it.

But just in case I do become a famous author, here's a picture of me being obnoxious to my husband to humble me and remind me who I actually am: 



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