The one with a novel I'm writing??? I guess????

I'm writing a novel.

I have no idea where it is going and where it came from, but I am writing it nonetheless. I am still working out the main events and outline for this thing.

Guys.

I have no idea what I am doing.

This is like an actual novel and I really don't think it's going to even be good. I don't think it's going to make me much of any money. But I'm writing it.

It's loosely based on my life, very loosely. It's still fiction, but it has similar vibes.

The idea randomly came to me one random night and then since that moment I've just been pouring out the ideas for this story.

Writing is a wild thing. It's so personal and weird. I keep reading through what I have, thinking about how others might perceive this. But is that the way to do it? Or do you just put your story out there and see what happens? Do you just write it and simply not care how others see it and review it?

I'm not even sure I am physically able to do that. Can I just put work out there and just NOT care how the public receives it? I don't think I can do that. I hate thinking there are people out there that don't like my work. Especially something loosely based on my actual life, that seems so personal.

Anyway, this blog isn't a preview, or like an ad. I don't even know if it's going to be good. Heck, I don't even know if it's going to be finished. But it has been great being creative again. It has been nice to just pour creative power into something I really enjoy doing and then not having to "monetize" it, or trying to get it to sell or whatever.

Wait. Am I just describing a hobby? I think I might be. Just like a creative thing I like doing and not using it to pay my bills-- that's literally just a hobby.

Nothing wrong with hobbies, I guess I just didn't see writing as a hobby for me. It might be. It would be nice if it became more, but I am keeping my expectations low. Not "low," but realistic.

I'm 33. Sometimes we see people being more "successful" than us at a much younger age and feel very unaccomplished. But there is no timeline for anything. So if writing becomes a bigger thing later in my life- cool. If I just stay a normal human for the rest of my life- still cool! I got a lot of other things in my life that gives me joy, and I'm learning to be grateful for all of it.

But just in case I do become a famous author, here's a picture of me being obnoxious to my husband to humble me and remind me who I actually am:

The one with the middle.

You remember that Jimmy Eat World song: The Middle? It feels very applicable to me. And, have you heard the Paramore song: Caught in the Middle? Also applicable. It's been two months since this school year started. I wish I could say it's getting better. I wish I could say it's been a good year so far. But it's been a really tough year of teaching already. It's really no one's fault- students, admin, parents- it has nothing really to do with them. It's just been, tough. I feel like honestly, it's kind of a waste of energy trying to pinpoint one problem that I am having, when in reality- it's possible that I am not supposed to be doing this anymore. Okay. I feel like I should be a teacher. But I don't know if I should be doing this . Does that even make sense? Probably not. I just feel really stuck at this moment. Because I want to do a good job while I am here, but I also am waiting for what I am meaning to do next. I want to serve my curren

The one with hallway.

I don't have an idea for this blog. That is why it's been a month or so since my last blog. In all transparency, I was working on a longer blog that I was updating daily about my decision to sign my contract or not for next school year. But then I ended up signing it and it's truly not an interesting blog. It was just like: "Should I? Nah. Well? Okay. Nah. Okay I will. I signed it. The end." So, now we're here, just waiting until the end of the year to finish and I am on the hook for next year. I could still leave, but breaking a contract not only gives me hives because of the ethic implications, but also there is a $2,500 fee attached to that which is NOT in my summer budget currently. I am tired of teaching. But to be fair, it is April and I am ALWAYS tired of teaching in April. But I will say this April is different. Education is different. It's changed. A part of me knows that I will be called out of teaching soon. I don't see myself retiring as

The one where I join the blog world.

I figure it's about time I started a blog. It's a writing/photography/comediac/art/important issues/look-what-kind-of-crazy-stuff-is-happening-in-Elisa's-life blog. It's my everything blog. Awesome for blogging. So welcome! Enjoy! Comment! Feel the love. This is my absolute favorite picture. Elias Hernandez. My model/musician/rock. How beautiful life is..... Frreak. Frreak. More to come.

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