Skip to main content

The one with the middle.

You remember that Jimmy Eat World song: The Middle? It feels very applicable to me. And, have you heard the Paramore song: Caught in the Middle? Also applicable. 

It's been two months since this school year started. I wish I could say it's getting better. I wish I could say it's been a good year so far. But it's been a really tough year of teaching already. It's really no one's fault- students, admin, parents- it has nothing really to do with them. It's just been, tough. 

I feel like honestly, it's kind of a waste of energy trying to pinpoint one problem that I am having, when in reality- it's possible that I am not supposed to be doing this anymore.

Okay. I feel like I should be a teacher. But I don't know if I should be doing this. 

Does that even make sense? Probably not. 

I just feel really stuck at this moment. Because I want to do a good job while I am here, but I also am waiting for what I am meaning to do next. I want to serve my current students the best I can, but I also am ready for the school year to end and go to my next thing.

What is my next thing? 

Not sure if I want to talk about it HERE, quite yet. I get really shy about sharing what I want to do. I just don't want to put it out there, and then it not work out and look really dumb. Only because that is how things have worked out for me in the past. I get REALLY excited about something, and then I tell everyone, and then it just kinda fizzles out and doesn't work out. 

And if this thing that I am thinking about doesn't work out, I know it is not God's plan for me or my family. 

But if it DOES work out, then it's only because of God and what He wants done. Which will pan out even better than anything I could ever plan on my own. And it will be BIG. And it will be wonderful. And it will help SO many people. 

So right now, though- I feel very caught in the middle of where I am going, and where I have been. But I am learning to be thankful for all of it. I'm truly trying to be thankful for the difficult stuff. It's literally only September. So I am trying to make it through this year, and come out with lessons as well as a new journey ready to go. 

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle

I try to keep going but it's not that simple

I think I'm a little bit caught in the middle

Gotta keep going or they'll call me a quitter

Yeah, I'm caught in the middle


Live right now
Yeah, just be yourself
It doesn't matter if it's good enough (good enough)
For someone else
It just takes some time
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything'll be just fine
Everything, everything'll be alright, alright


Seeing Paramore with Elias. 



Popular posts from this blog

The one where I say "passion" like 80 times.

I've been dealing a lot lately with the idea of passions. And my recent lack of passion. It's not that I don't have any passion. On the contrary, I have tons of passions that include: Teaching. Since I was little I knew that education is power and being that person who shapes and impacts other people for the better, has always been something I've passionate about. There's just something about a classroom that just gets to me. It's something special and exciting that I can't wait to have one day. Photography. I freaking love pictures. I love capturing a single moment, candid or posed. I know full well the extent that the photography industry has gone to today has made me self consicous when it somes to my photography skills and ablities. But, I guess that makes me work harder. But it never has felt like work, even when I get paid, it still doesn't feel like work. Acting. If I could get back to these roots, oh man. As I stated in an earlier blog, I ...
Read more

The one with two births.

  I figure it's time to get weird again and talk about childbirth. I love a good birth story. I love hearing and reading everyone's birth story. I think it important for parents (moms and dads alike) to process childbirth. Because Lord knows it is such an intense moment for all of us, and each story of how we came into the world is unique, special, and important. I encourage everyone to share their story someday with someone- I'm happy to be the person that listens! I love this birth stuff.  I love this birth stuff so much that I am actually a trained doula and have been working toward becoming a birth educator. I use the term "working" loosely, as my full time English teacher gig, and ultimate full time mom gig eats up my entire time. However, I do continue to pray that God will open up opportunities to help out parents in this amazing thing we call childbirth. Childbirth is a big deal. Sometimes I think when we have kids that the childbirth part is something tha...
Read more

The one post-pandemic.

It's been 84 years since my last blog post. Obviously not literally, but anything after March 2020 has its own timeline-- much like a kind of Marvelesque quantum universe. Yeah. I'm out of my league with this line of thought. I should probably just move on.  I want to catch up you up on so many things! (I say to no one reading this).  First of all, Elias and I had a second baby in November of 2020: Uriah Finn. He's awesome, but also crazy. Leo started Kinder in August of 2022. I am still working at the same school. And Elias is working in my district with the IT department. Yes. That's right. Elias is an IT nerd now.  I love having him at our district and on our schedule. Feeling super thankful about all of that. Those are the highlights. Of course, there have been some low lights.  Why did I start this re-reboot now? I've been feeling some feelings. Some sad feelings.  I've been going through bouts of depression again. And it's weird to talk about. I don...
Read more