Silly Conversations

 I’ve been thinking a lot about my mom lately. Probably because the anniversary of her death is coming up this month. March is always a lot: Leo's birthday, our wedding anniversary, her death anniversary. Wait. I also just realized November is similarly a lot: Uriah's birthday, my birthday, and my mom's birthday. Why can't huge life events we have no control over be more spread out throughout the year? Anyway. My mom loved musicals. LOVED musicals. Most people knew her as an amazing educator for children with special needs, as that was her career about which she was so passionate. But prior to that, she did a lot of local theater-- even making her way into Knott's Berry Farm's Birdcage Theater as a performer. Not sure what her role was, but I once saw a picture of her some red, saloon girl getup and didn't want anymore information, for the sake of my innocence.  But yes, musicals and theater in general were something she enjoyed watching as well as being in!...

 Actually, yes she is. And she is NOT sorry.  Slight update: I’ve been homeschooling and microschooling for the past couple years. I started my middle and high school microschool in my home in August 2024 and began homeschooling my boys simultaneously in August 2025. Now sitting here in January 2026, having done both for a full semester, and that feels great! This has been really great for myself and my husband, and my kids! So by all metrics, when people ask me how I am, the answer should be “ GREAT!” And normally it is. But the current world events feel really heavy. The tumultuous circumstances that continue, are hard to ignore and especially hard to not let it get you down. So that dichotomy between personally doing well and globally feeling like we are all falling apart has got me feeling really ✨reflective. ✨ Also, I learned recently that those sparkle emojis are a sign that AI is being used. Y’all. If you think any part of this is AI, you really don’t know me at all. An...

You remember that Jimmy Eat World song: The Middle? It feels very applicable to me. And, have you heard the Paramore song: Caught in the Middle? Also applicable.  It's been two months since this school year started. I wish I could say it's getting better. I wish I could say it's been a good year so far. But it's been a really tough year of teaching already. It's really no one's fault- students, admin, parents- it has nothing really to do with them. It's just been, tough.  I feel like honestly, it's kind of a waste of energy trying to pinpoint one problem that I am having, when in reality- it's possible that I am not supposed to be doing this anymore. Okay. I feel like I should be a teacher. But I don't know if I should be doing this .  Does that even make sense? Probably not.  I just feel really stuck at this moment. Because I want to do a good job while I am here, but I also am waiting for what I am meaning to do next. I want to serve my curren...

 I don't have an idea for this blog.  That is why it's been a month or so since my last blog. In all transparency, I was working on a longer blog that I was updating daily about my decision to sign my contract or not for next school year. But then I ended up signing it and it's truly not an interesting blog. It was just like: "Should I? Nah. Well? Okay. Nah. Okay I will. I signed it. The end." So, now we're here, just waiting until the end of the year to finish and I am on the hook for next year. I could still leave, but breaking a contract not only gives me hives because of the ethic implications, but also there is a $2,500 fee attached to that which is NOT in my summer budget currently.  I am tired of teaching. But to be fair, it is April and I am ALWAYS tired of teaching in April. But I will say this April is different. Education is different. It's changed. A part of me knows that I will be called out of teaching soon. I don't see myself retiring as...

 I'm writing a novel.  I have no idea where it is going and where it came from, but I am writing it nonetheless. I am still working out the main events and outline for this thing.  Guys.  I have no idea what I am doing.  This is like an actual novel and I really don't think it's going to even be good. I don't think it's going to make me much of any money. But I'm writing it.  It's loosely based on my life, very loosely. It's still fiction, but it has similar vibes.  The idea randomly came to me one random night and then since that moment I've just been pouring out the ideas for this story.  Writing is a wild thing. It's so personal and weird. I keep reading through what I have, thinking about how others might perceive this. But is that the way to do it? Or do you just put your story out there and see what happens? Do you just write it and simply not care how others see it and review it? I'm not even sure I am physically able to do that. Can I...

  Whatever you were expecting this blog to be from this title, I can almost guarantee, this won't be that.  As you may well know, I have no structure to these blogs. I mostly just write about what God is teaching me at this moment of my life. Right now, I am going through Proverbs. I'm not sure I exactly chose to go through Proverbs-- the study I am doing is just shoving Proverbs at me.  So I'm not sure if I'm reading Proverbs, or Proverbs is reading me.  It's not that I DON'T like Proverbs. It's just sometimes I read one and-- ya know when you find a meme that really hits, and you share it and say "Lol. Same." That's what reading Proverbs feels like. For example, I read this little gem the other day: I am too stupid to be human, and I lack common sense. Proverbs 30:2 Lol. Same.   I have read through all of proverbs officially. Do I feel any wiser? I don't know. Maybe? It's hard, right? Because I want to think I know how to live my life...

  I figure it's time to get weird again and talk about childbirth. I love a good birth story. I love hearing and reading everyone's birth story. I think it important for parents (moms and dads alike) to process childbirth. Because Lord knows it is such an intense moment for all of us, and each story of how we came into the world is unique, special, and important. I encourage everyone to share their story someday with someone- I'm happy to be the person that listens! I love this birth stuff.  I love this birth stuff so much that I am actually a trained doula and have been working toward becoming a birth educator. I use the term "working" loosely, as my full time English teacher gig, and ultimate full time mom gig eats up my entire time. However, I do continue to pray that God will open up opportunities to help out parents in this amazing thing we call childbirth. Childbirth is a big deal. Sometimes I think when we have kids that the childbirth part is something tha...

Anyone else get like hyper focused on becoming an author from grades 3-6? Like, you write a 6 page book about some weird fantasy character and then try to write some sequels thinking you were the next big name in fantasy novels? And then you kind of just forgot about them and fixated on some other random passion, like theater, or art, or marine biology? Just me? I don't really know what I am supposed to do with writing. I have a weird calling to write stuff, but like what? I have no clue.  Can I tell you a slightly weird, embarrassing story?  So when I was maybe 7 or 8, my mom was a camp director at a summer camp called Quaker Meadow. It's a camp that she had been working at since she was a teenager and, if I remember correctly, this was the first year I could be an actual camper. I don't have much of a memory from any of it really-- as my long term memory is spotty at best-- but I remember having quite the fun time. It was a church camp, so there was a lot of those typical...

It's been 84 years since my last blog post. Obviously not literally, but anything after March 2020 has its own timeline-- much like a kind of Marvelesque quantum universe. Yeah. I'm out of my league with this line of thought. I should probably just move on.  I want to catch up you up on so many things! (I say to no one reading this).  First of all, Elias and I had a second baby in November of 2020: Uriah Finn. He's awesome, but also crazy. Leo started Kinder in August of 2022. I am still working at the same school. And Elias is working in my district with the IT department. Yes. That's right. Elias is an IT nerd now.  I love having him at our district and on our schedule. Feeling super thankful about all of that. Those are the highlights. Of course, there have been some low lights.  Why did I start this re-reboot now? I've been feeling some feelings. Some sad feelings.  I've been going through bouts of depression again. And it's weird to talk about. I don...

"I am happier than a teacher on summer break!" -someone who has never taught. This is my 6th summer break as a full time teacher. And I should be thrilled to be on summer break, right?! I'm just not though. Here's my issue: I want to do so much. SO MUCH. I want to write. I want to read. I want to plan. I want to study. I want to chill. I want to sleep. I want to work out. I want to hang with friends. I want to teach my toddler things. I want to date my husband. I want to clean. I want to eat healthy. I want to meal prep. I want to start a project. I want to FINISH a project. I want to practice self care. I want doing creative stuff. I want to do some work stuff. And I want to start AND FINISH it all right now! But it's such a huge list, that I get overwhelmed and don't do any of it. I always feel like "I have all summer!" And then- I feel like you don't have to be super observant to know what's coming- SUMMER ENDS,...

How does tragedy shape us? How do bad things grow us? Physical pain, sucks. As I approach the big 3-0, my body is doing weird things. I used to get injured being active and dancing. Now I sneeze too hard, or sleep slightly wrong and I’m in pain for 5 whole days. However, emotional pain has nothing on physical pain. And this is coming from someone who was in labor for like 3 days. Emotional pain is something we have tried to describe. Writers everywhere have tried to come up with metaphors for emotional pain since Biblical times. Although some come close, no one can truly describe how it feels to have tragedy strike and feel the emotional pain. It’s a lesson we as believers have always heard and want to reconcile. We try to encourage those going through hard times with lessons of perseverance, lessons of endurance, of “running the good race” and “fighting the good fight.” We teach on Job, and how he lost everything and still praised God. None of this is new, but it helps. ...

Remember when I kept up with my blog? More importantly: remember when I thought I was going to simplify this year? I told you all I was going to keep things focused on 1 word: simple. My life, my goals, my home, my job, my thoughts- KEEP IT SIMPLE. Have I done that at all? If you think that I have, you must be new here. It's literally one month away from being 2019, and I have been anything but simple this year. I changed schools. We continued to gather clutter. We have yet to get a grip on our finances. I still overthink every little thing I do. My house is a constant disaster area. My new school has been a challenge at every step. Personal challenges and relationships have been a struggle. I have done everything except keep it "simple" this year. In every sense of my "simple" goal, I failed. Sure, I have a month left. So I could get back on track. I could try my best to simplify what I can. But sometimes, I feel like I try so hard to NOT try so...

I've discussed the mom thing enough. You're probably like "Okay. We get it. You're bad at this. Move on." Will do! Let's discuss something I am relatively okay at: teaching. This is currently year 5 in the classroom for me. I've been at my current high school for 3 of those years teaching mostly 11th grade English, (every once in a while they like to throw in a sophomore or a senior group). I love this class. The age, the content, the behavior, the literature- everything. This is my sweet spot. I honestly have been sitting on this blog post for over 4 weeks now, in this exact spot. I have NO idea how I want to shape this blog or even begin to talk about my love for education. Management? Content? Students? English? Parents? Environment? Professional Development? There are literally so many things to talk about with education, that I've had the worst time narrowing down what it is I want to discuss in my first education themed blog. I w...

I’ve seen it for a couple years now- instead of creating resolutions, people have been choosing one word to focus on for the year. Maybe you have seen this, or have done this yourself, but this alleviates the pressures to keep a resolution all year long.  So I’ve been praying about my word for a while now. I started asking myself some questions to best narrow down my word. What do I want to accomplish? How do I want to live? What do I want to focus on? What has been lacking? How do I motivate myself to get the correct word? Where do I even begin? Should I make a list? I’ll google it. Then I’ll narrow down the options. Then for sure I’ll have a word. Should I post it? Should I make like a cool graphic to post in my house? Should it be specific to being a better wife, parent, teacher, or all three?  I started to really “Elisa” the situation. In this sense my name is a verb meaning to over complicate, and overthink something, that is actually pretty simple, to where yo...